Broken Soul
by BigTimeRush-BTR
Summary: No one is ever broken beyond repair. Everyone can be saved no matter how broken and useless they might feel. But sometimes an innocent life ends because they didn't want any help. Sometimes they don't want to be saved. And that is when you realize you were never really too late to save someone in need.


**Hi guys! Guess who wrote a new one-shot? Yours truly! :D**

**Well, this was actually a request. From who? It's a secret! SHHHHH! Haha. No, seriously, it's a secret. I can't tell. But, the person that requested this is a very special person, and I hope he knows that. :)**

**I hope you guys like the story, which was a bit hard to write. :( But hey, here it is! Hope you all like some Kendall angst! Yes, Kendall angst. I know, I write too much of it…**

* * *

Kendall Knight was never known for showing off his emotions. He was often referred to as the leader of his group of four best friends; laid back and confident. He didn't let words bring him down but pushed them to the back of his mind, as to not interfere with his way of thinking. Nothing ever got to him. He kept his cool and looked out for his three best friends; that was his job.

Never would he let that role be switched around.

But there are times when even the tough break. Times when even the slightest remark brings you down. Words can hurt a lot, and sometimes they send a person's life spiraling out of control. Sometimes those very words are the ones that lead a person to do things they never even thought possible. Words can break a person and send them to the edge.

Until they're gone.

Kendall was unfortunately one of these people. He was tough, wise beyond his years. He was caring and sweet, always looking out for others before himself. Sometimes being selfless can be a good thing, but there are times when even such a little thing as being selfless can end your life.

* * *

It was as easy as counting from one to three. The razor blade sat there on the bathroom cabinet, alone, just waiting for him to pick it up. Fear was the only thing keeping him away. Half of him wanted to grab it and slice his pale skin open until blood oozed out.

But there was also a part of him that wanted to stay away in fear of hurting the ones he loved. He wasn't afraid of death. The thought of it actually brought him peace. What he was afraid of was of leaving his mom, baby sister and three best friends behind. They meant the world to him. The last thing he wanted was to see them suffer.

Shaking his head, the blonde opened the bathroom cabinet and took a hold of the small razor blade in his hand, holding it close to his dull green eyes. He was going to do it. His friends and family no longer cared about him. They had let him slip and fall to his knees, not realizing how much the young boy was hurting. They didn't care anymore.

He was definitely better off dead. He had made up his mind.

"I'm sorry," he whispered as he took out a folded piece of paper from his jacket pocket. Taking one look at it, he unfolded it and placed it on top of the sink.

His eyes wondered to the bathroom mirror, widening at the reflection before him. Lifeless eyes stared back at him; dull and lacking emotion. His lips were a deathly pale color, scaring him out of his mind. Dark bags sat under his eyes. If he didn't know any better, he would have thought that he was looking at a zombie version of himself.

He was disgusted at what he saw, and he wanted more than anything to rip his hair right out of his scalp.

With the razor blade held in between his slender fingers, he sat down on the floor, examining it with great interest. A small smile grazed his lips. This was it, he was doing it. No more pain or suffering. He would finally be in peace.

His friends and family wouldn't mind. After all, he was nothing but a burden in their eyes. They would be happier without him there. He was sure of it.

The first cut was small, barely noticeable, but blood oozed out of the wound either way. The second was larger and created with more force and hatred. He was in a blind rage, cutting lines all throughout his arm. Tears welled up in his eyes and rolled down his deathly pale cheeks. He was dying rather slowly but surely. His life was being sucked out right before his very eyes.

Black dots danced around in his vision, engulfing him. Suffocating him. For a mere second he regretted his actions. He felt guilt hit him like a brick to the face, but then he remembered no one cared anymore. No one would mourn his loss.

The clatter of the razor blade falling to the tile floor was the last thing he heard before the black dots turned into dark blotches so big that his vision started to blur. He could no longer see what was in front of him. His breathing was forced and shallow, until he could no longer take any more breaths of fresh air. He welcomed the darkness with a small smile, until a bright light shone before him. He was going and he knew it, but he no longer cared. If no one else cared, then why should he?

And just like that a life was taken. An innocent angel was set free at last.

* * *

When Logan walked into the bathroom in the morning, he didn't expect to see the sight before him. He didn't expect to see his little brother on the floor, wounds and scars covering his whole arm. He didn't expect to see him lying there as still as a rock. And when he touched him, he didn't expect for him to be as cold as… death.

Death; just a five letter word. How could something so small cause such a huge impact on someone? But then again, how could such small actions cause the death of someone?

He felt sick to his stomach as he held his baby brother's limp body in his arms. He begged and cried, wanting more than anything to bring him back to life. But he knew it was impossible. He was too late and there was no way he could turn back the clock.

Kendall was gone and he wasn't coming back.

* * *

The three remaining BTR boys sat on the soft, bright green grass at the Palm Woods Park, backs leaning against a tree. Carlos' body was curled in on himself, clutching his head with both hands, knees pulled up to his chest. James had his eyes locked on the tiny Latino as tears slowly slid down his tan cheeks. And then, there was Logan who had not spoken a word since the funeral two days before. Part of James wondered if his best friends or even he would ever be the same again.

"I feel horrible," James admitted, his eyes shining with tears. Carlos nodded in response as he leaned his head against James' shoulders, a few crystal tears rolling down his cheeks. Logan, however, was unmoving, his eyes locked straight ahead. Not even a peep escaped his lips. Both boys noticed this at the same time, leaning forward to get a better look of their little friend.

"How come you don't talk anymore, Logie?" Carlos asked innocently, reaching his arm forward to lay a hand on his best friend's shoulder. "I wish you'd say something."

For a moment, Logan stayed completely still, forcing both boys to sigh in defeat. But soon enough the brunette turned to face his two friends, his whole body trembling.

"Don't you guys get it? I-I… When I saw Kendall lying there on the bathroom floor with blood leaking from his arm, I… part of me died. It KILLS me to know our baby brother was hurting so much, yet we did NOTHING to save him. We just watched as his life slowly crumbled up. We killed him! I killed him… Oh God, I killed him!"

Carlos immediately threw himself at Logan's shaking form, wrapping his small arms around his younger brother's. His sobs matched Logan's perfectly. Neither of them were aware of anything but the fact that their little brother was now dead, and it was apparently all their fault.

"Guys," James spoke up, his voice trembling. "Guys, please don't do this."

Kendall wouldn't want them to be this way. Kendall wouldn't blame them, even if it was completely their fault. Kendall would always tell them to move on. He would say that life was too short for regrets. The past was long gone. What should matter was the future ahead.

"B-but we killed Kenny," Carlos whimpered as he wrapped his arms even tighter around Logan's middle. "He probably hates us!"

"But Kendall would never hate us."

"What?" Logan's head turned to James. "What did you say?"

"You heard me, didn't you? Kendall would never hate us… Guys, Kendall would want us to leave this in the past. I-I know we might not have been there for him when he needed us the most. We might be the cause of his death. But I know Kendall loved us. He wouldn't like it if we lived our entire lives mourning his loss and blaming ourselves for it, would he?"

"I think James has a point." Carlos smiled for the first time since the life of their best friend was taken from their lives. "I think he has a point, Logie."

Logan nodded, not trusting himself to speak in fear that if he did the tears would come rising back up. But eventually, after a long moment of silence, he was forced to open his mouth to speak, whether he liked it or not.

"Guys… Kendall left us a letter," he whispered, tears pooling in his chocolate brown orbs. Quietly, he removed a paper from his pants pocket and handed it to James. "I… I haven't read it yet. I kinda wanted to wait, so we could read it together." A small blush crept its way onto his cheeks.

"I read it?" James asked, his voice filling with sadness. Logan simply nodded. "Okay…"

All three boys huddled together in a little circle on the grass. James' eyes were fixed on the words on the paper, while Carlos' and Logan's eyes were fixed on the brunette.

"Dear friends and family,

I love each and every one of you. I want you all to know that. You all filled me with some sort of peace and happiness at some point in my life. You brought me joy, showed me what true love was, and proved to me what the true power of friendship was. But, I guess there comes a time in life when a person is hurt so much that they can't even remember any of that. A time when they can't remember the good times in life; when all they remember are the bad, and everything just feels like… Hell.

I'm sorry I had to leave you all like this. I know my death was something so unexpected and you're all probably blaming yourselves for it. Well, I mean it from the bottom of my heart when I say that my death is in no way your fault. None of you are to blame. You guys tried to help me, but I didn't want your help. I didn't want to be saved.

I will always carry a piece of each and every one of you in my heart. You are all special to me. I will cherish you always.

Love, Kendall."

By the time James was finished with reading the letter, he had tears rapidly rolling down his flushed cheeks, harsh sobs departing his lips. He handed the letter back to Logan, who tucked it back into his jeans pocket.

"I want you guys to promise that you will never, and I mean NEVER, forget Kendall…"

"I pro–"

"And I also want you guys to promise that no matter what happens, you will not blame this on yourselves. Please, just promise for K-Kendall."

Carlos and Logan turned to each other, their lips curving up into small smiles. "We promise," they said at once.

"I promise too," James whispered before enveloping his two older brothers in a warm embrace, holding their smaller bodies against his own. He gave Carlos a kiss on the forehead and gave Logan another one on the top of the head, hoping to bring them some sort of comfort.

A small smile graced the pretty boy's lips when the two shorter boys snuggled up close to him, bringing him some comfort as well.

And as the three boys fell asleep in each other's arms, they couldn't help but look up to the heavens, hoping that somewhere up there their little brother was resting, looking down on them with bright, _lively_ green eyes.

* * *

**I have killed Kendall again. My mind is evil. Why do I enjoy hurting him so much? Man, not even I can answer that question.**

**Anyway, I hope you guys liked the story. Thank you so much for reading!**

**~ BigTimeRush-BTR :)**


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